What Does Recovery From An Eating Disorder Look Like?
It isn’t uncommon for people to struggle with the concept of recovery when we talk about eating disorders.
Most people hear the word recovery and think of recovery from substances. However, recovery is a process that can be applied to things outside of drug use. Recovery is a word that is commonly thrown around in the eating disorder world and many professionals see eating disorders as a close cousin to substance use disorders. The big difference between the two is that when it comes to eating disorders, abstinence isn’t a thing because we are dependent on food to survive. We don’t need substances to live. It’s almost like asking an alcoholic to go into a bar and only have one drink. Imagine how difficult that would be….seemingly impossible. Do you see now why recovery isn’t clear-cut for eating disorders?
When talking about eating disorders, recovery is subjective.
It’s often left up to the individual to claim to be in recovery. I specifically remember when I was a client with an eating disorder IOP trying to figure out what recovery meant. It was so hard to figure out what it looked like to cross the finish line. It felt so far away but I wanted it so bad. I specifically recall the therapist in the program disclosing their eating disorder history. And, how they no longer struggled at all with any eating disorder thoughts or behaviors. In fact, they were fully recovered. That became my finish line. To get to a place where I no longer worried about my body or food.
At first, I was motivated. The idea that I could never struggle with food or my body image ever again was the biggest motivation. How magnificent it would be when that day came. This lit a flame under me and I was able to take big steps toward recovery. Fast forward to several years later and I still wasn’t at the point where I wasn’t worried about food or my body. Yes, my eating disorder symptoms had significantly improved but I was still playing around with disordered eating through dieting.
It wasn’t until January of 2020 that my New Years’ resolution was that I wasn't allowed to diet.
This gave me permission to fully explore Health at Every Size and Intuitive Eating more openly and freely. I also realized that my definition of recovery wasn’t realistic; there was no “finish line.” I accepted that I’d probably always have some difficulty with food and body image and that was okay.
So at what point did I actually “start” recovery? It depends on who you ask. Some may say it was when I graduated from that IOP program. Others would say it was when I finally gave up dieting. For me, recovery started when I admitted I needed help and sought that help out. It was when I realized that the way I was living was no longer conducive to who I wanted to be and something had to change.
Your eating disorder will disguise itself as recovery.
This is what can make recovery tricky. Your eating disorder doesn’t want to let go. It believes it is the only thing that can protect you and bring you happiness. It’ll do whatever it has to in order to stay alive. You should expect this to happen. There can always be a fine line between an eating disorder behavior vs a “normal” behavior. I often find myself having conversations with clients about this exact issue. Is exercising just exercising? Is it because you actually want to improve your health with exercise or is there an underlying desire to change the way your body looks through exercise. Are you just eating “healthy” or is eating “healthy” another way you can engage in restriction?
Are you getting a good sense of how confusing it can be to get a good sense of how you’re actually doing in recovery? There is no clear-cut answer, but there are some things that you can look at to get a good picture of where you are at.
So what are some signs you’re healing from your eating disorder?
When you start worrying about things outside of your eating disorder.
This doesn’t necessarily feel great, but it’s an important thing to pay attention to. When you start actually worrying about things like getting a job you love or whether that guy you met is going to ask you out is when you’re breaking free from your eating disorder. It shows there are bigger things that matter than your eating disorder.
You’re motivated to engage in life outside of your eating disorder.
This is a follow-up to the last point. When you’re wanting to choose life outside of food and your body it can feel liberating. When you go on that weekend trip with friends even though you’ll miss your workout is a sure sign that you are recovering!
Your relationships have improved.
When we are healing from an eating disorder we are able to devote the time previously spent ruminating about food and our bodies to things that actually matter. We are able to have relationships that are more meaningful and deeper. We are able to spend more quality time with people and are able to start doing social things again.
You’re making recovery a priority.
Sometimes when we are really taken over by our eating disorder, we tend to not really prioritize recovery. Sure we might have a therapist but our eating disorder remains the most important thing. Prioritizing your recovery might look like getting rid of your scale, deleting the calorie counting app from your phone, and maybe even getting rid of your gym membership. It could also mean finally being honest with your therapist and/or dietician about what's really going on with your eating disorder.
You set boundaries.
Mainly with the people who trigger eating disorder thoughts and symptoms. This could be with family members, friends, partners, or coworkers. This is no easy task by the way! You might lose some relationships which might be really difficult. But it is worth it so you can live life outside your eating disorder.
You have learned to sit with uncomfortable feelings.
A large function of your eating disorder was so you could cope with the stressors of life. Healing involves learning how to deal with those stressors without your eating disorder.
When you acknowledge that recovery isn’t a straight line.
There will be days you see how much progress you’ve made. There also will be days when you feel like you’re back at square one. This is normal and expected. It’s not about doing recovery perfectly. It’s just about showing up for yourself.
Knowing the ways your ED will try to sneak back into your life.
Your eating disorder will put up a fight. Mainly because it feels that it is the only thing that can protect you and keep you safe. It will try to creep in any way it can in order to continue to be in your life.
Is it normal to feel stuck in eating disorder recovery?
It can be such a fantastic feeling when we feel like we are making big moves in recovery. You’ve worked so hard and you finally are able to see the fruits of your labor. I wish this was a sustainable feeling but if we’re going, to be honest, there are plenty of times when we feel completely stuck in recovery. I really wish when I was at the beginning of my journey I was told that feeling stuck is a normal part of the process. I feel like if it was more normalized, it wouldn’t have been as scary to go through.
How to keep going with recovery when you’re feeling stuck:
Make a big deal out of the small wins!
There rarely is a silver lining or “AH-HA” moment in recovery. It’s the little decisions that make a big difference along the way.
Re-align your expectations.
We can be our own worst enemy. I see this all the time with my clients. The expectations we set for ourselves are often unrealistic for where we are in the moment. Expectations are made to be adjusted depending on the circumstances. You shouldn’t have the same expectations when you’re thriving and apply them when you’re struggling.
Lean on your support system.
You do not have to struggle alone. Actually, what your eating disorder wants is for you to isolate yourself from your support system. Even if you feel like being alone, reach out to your friends and family and let them know you’re struggling.
Go back to your why.
Why did you even start your recovery journey? Remember how much life you were missing out on before. Go back and see how much you were suffering. Dive deep and remember why you are doing this.
You will “relapse.”
Relapse is a normal part of recovery. This needs to be normalized more but it isn’t. There’s an expectation once you're in recovery, you can never binge, restrict, or purge ever again. And I get it! Of course, you don’t want this but we are human and as humans, we will go back to behaviors that weren’t great for us at one point. It’s how we react afterward that is the most important part. Do you throw in the towel or do you continue to make an effort to care for yourself and continue your recovery journey?
Do something that's not related to eating disorder recovery.
Yes, eating disorder recovery is important but part of recovery is making a life outside of your eating disorder. Get together with friends and be silly! Take a class. Hit the reset button
Talk with your therapist about feeling stuck.
Your eating disorder therapist can help validate this experience for you and even provide you with tools to start feeling unstuck.
Check yourself.
Are you feeling stuck because you’re wanting recovery but aren’t willing to separate from your eating disorder? If so, this will definitely make you feel stuck. Sometimes it can be hard to see if you’re still engaging in your eating disorder which is why it’s important to have a treatment team who can hold you accountable.
Know you will have periods where you will feel stuck.
They won’t last forever. Sometimes the biggest thing is continuing to take the tiny steps forward whether you feel like you’re moving forward or not. Being in recovery can be an incredibly empowering thing. It can also be daunting and intimidating. There are going to be others in recovery that seem more “recovered” than you which will make you doubt your own journey. There are also going to be people who look up to you as an example of recovery which may make you question if you should be a role model when you still struggle. If possible, try to not compare your journey to someone else’s. Recovery isn’t a one size fits all thing.
Eating Disorder Recovery is a choice.
It is continuing to show up for yourself despite what your eating disorder wants. There isn’t an expectation to be perfect, in fact, it should be imperfect. There will be days you revert back to eating disorder symptoms. Days where you look in the mirror and you are taken back to a time when you hated the way you looked. The important thing is how you respond to the hard days. Are you responding with compassion and kindness? Are you eventually coming back to a place where you are choosing life over your eating disorder? Because those are the things that matter the most.
Start Eating Disorder Treatment in Philadelphia, PA for Support!
You can recover from an eating disorder and body images issues. It can take time, but a therapist can help you feel more in control. When working in eating disorder treatment and body image therapy with Revive Therapy in Pennsylvania, you will work with Hannah Guy, your online eating disorder therapist. When you’re ready to get started, follow these simple steps:
Meet your eating disorder therapist, Hannah Guy
Begin living a life you feel more in control of and enjoy!
Other Services at Revive Therapy
Getting therapy support is perfectly OK! You deserve a space to talk through life events that may be holding you back. Whether this is your first time in therapy or you’ve been here before, I am here to help you process, work through, and move toward your goals in a healthy and sustainable way. If you’re looking for other services at Revive Therapy in Pennsylvania, I offer other services. This includes PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, body image issues, binge eating, and other eating disorder treatments. I offer support with EMDR therapy if you’re in need of more specialized support. Additionally, all services are offered via online therapy in Pennsylvania. When you’re ready for support. Call now!