Setting Boundaries with Family this Holiday
There is an assumption that the holidays are filled with magic, love, joy, and fun. In all reality, the holidays are really hard for a lot of people for a variety of reasons. The holidays can be extremely triggering for people because of having to interact and engage with family members that are, let’s just say, not super easy to be around.
Why is it so hard?
For some people, it’s very clear-cut why being around family is hard. Their family members are overtly unkind and triggering people. For others, it may feel more nuanced and complicated. Let’s quickly get into attachment theory and I promise I will connect the dots back to how it relates to this issue. Attachment theory focuses on the relationship and bonds between people. The way people attach to other people is significantly influenced by caregivers in childhood.
When a caregiver isn’t able to emotionally, physically, or mentally give a child what they need, it tends to create ruptures in their attachment which follows people into adulthood. Looping back to the topic at hand though…Most people’s caregivers aren’t fully able to meet all their needs which causes trauma. So when we go back home and see our family, it can bring up old and unsettling feelings that were present in childhood.
Why set boundaries?
I’ll keep it sweet and simple. Boundaries are critical, really in any relationship, but especially within relationships that are triggering. Boundaries are the limits you set with others almost as a way of self-preservation. When we don’t set these boundaries, that’s when we find ourselves having unsettling conversations with our Mom for an hour.
How To Set Boundaries With Family
Reach out ahead of time.
Get a sense of which family members will be present. Ask about who is going to what event/party so you can plan ahead.
Know your limits.
Are there certain topics you are not willing to talk about? Is there anyone you know you can only be around for 5 minutes and then you will lose it?
Set your limits.
If your Mom asks when you are having kids and you don’t wanna hear it anymore, try to nip it in the bud ahead of time. Depending on your relationship, this may look like talking with your Mom before you go home to visit about how you would like her to not bring up the “kid” thing.
Practice certain sayings you can use with family ahead of time.
For example, you could say “I’m not interested in discussing this topic with you, however, I would love to hear about how you are doing with your new job.”
Take breaks.
Enough said, make sure you set aside time away from people who are triggering to help manage your mental health. Do this before you’ve reached your limits. Even if you’re feeling ok, take a break and go to the bathroom or get a breath of fresh air
Have supports lined up.
Let your support system know if being around family is difficult and you may need them. If you’re having a hard time, reach out to your support. You shouldn’t have to struggle alone.
Begin Working With An Online Therapist in Philadelphia, PA
Setting boundaries is much easier said than done. Our team of therapists would be happy to offer support in establishing healthier boundaries from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice and across the state. You can receive support in making the most of the holidays by following these simple steps:
Meet a caring therapist
Start setting boundaries with family!
Other Services Offered With Revive Therapy
Our team understands you may be experiencing a variety of mental health concerns. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of online and in-person mental health services including PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, body image issues, binge eating, and more. We also offer EMDR therapy if you’re in need of more specialized support. Additionally, all services are offered via online therapy in Pennsylvania. When you’re ready for support. Feel free to visit our blog to learn more. Or, call now!