How To Actually Feel Your Emotions.
How many times have you sat in a therapy session and your therapist makes a comment about leaning into your emotions. You might sit there and nod while wondering what the actual hell they mean by that. You might assume that “leaning into it” is actually sitting there thinking about how sad you are that your partner broke up with you. Maybe you hear what your therapist is saying, but every time you try to do that, you end up feeling worse. So are you in the wrong? Is something wrong with you that you can’t just “lean” into it? Trust me, this is not the case and understanding emotional regulation takes time.
Nothing is wrong with you. You just haven’t been taught how to use emotional regulation skills.
Sometimes, as therapists in Pennsylvania, we assume things we shouldn’t. Our entire life is talking about mental health and sometimes we forget the majority of people don’t live in this world. We assume people understand what leaning in is when we shouldn’t. Hey, we are human too and we shouldn’t assume, but it happens.
I frequently hear from clients how they wish I could give them “steps” to heal. Most of the time, your therapist isn’t able to give you the answer you’re looking for. Time for the good news! I can give you concrete steps for you to learn to feel your emotions by using emotional regulation skills.
Notice you’re in distress.
Sounds simple but it can be harder than you think. Sometimes we only notice we are feeling discomfort when we are extremely distressed. Part of doing this work is showing up and learning to become attuned to your body and how it experiences distress. That is where we use these emotional regulation skills to see what works when you’re distressed and what doesn’t.
Name the emotion.
Are you feeling angry? ashamed? embarrassed? For many (including myself) we get caught up in the context instead of honing in on the emotion. Here is a common one I hear a lot like an eating disorder and body image therapist, “I feel fat.” Now, I know what people are saying when they say this. However, by saying “I feel fat,” you’re not actually naming the emotion. If you’re able to, try to specify the emotion as well. If you’re angry, try to look a little deeper into what emotions are underlying this- you could be feeling violated, disrespected, or jealous. Check out a feelings wheel if you’re having a hard time figuring this out!
Do a body scan.
Our emotions reside in our bodies which is why we want to use our bodies to help process and release emotions. A body scan is a way for us to notice and observe how our bodies our carrying our emotions. So how in the hell does one do a body scan? By starting at the crown of your head, I want you to slowly bring your attention to each part of your body. Pay attention to any sensations or tension you are feeling. Try to be as descriptive as possible in order to hone your focus to prevent your mind from wandering as much as possible.
Bring it back to the body
You will not be able to fully engage in a body scan without your mind wandering. At least in the beginning. This is a new emotional regulation skill and it takes time to be able to excel at a new skill. I want to really normalize that your mind is going to wander back to the problem at hand. Instead of becoming frustrated and assuming doing a body scan doesn’t work, I want you to bring your attention back to your body. Try to hone in on your senses. What is your body physically feeling? Where is tension being held?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Knowing how to feel your emotions by using emotional regulation skills isn’t going to come naturally. It becomes easier and helps relieve distress the more you practice feeling your feelings. This will take time. Just imagine never having played basketball before and I sat down with you and explained how to play basketball. Now I want you to imagine after explaining it to you, I threw you into an NBA game. Pretty ridiculous right? The same thing goes with experiencing your emotions.
Managing Emotional Regulation is a Long Game.
This practice of feeling emotions is just that, a practice. I promise when you first start practicing feeling your emotions you are going to have moments where you feel no relief. The goal isn’t to feel immediate relief though. Rather, it’s to invest in the long game so you can help your future self be able to better handle distress. Emotional regulation skills can help you in the long run.
Start Developing Some Helpful Emotional Regulation Skills in Pennsylvania Soon!
We don’t always take time to feel our feelings, but when we do, we can experience a significant amount of relief. Talk with a DBT therapist who can help you learn about emotional regulation with Revive Therapy in Pennsylvania. When you’re ready to get started, follow these simple steps:
Meet your DBT therapist, Hannah Guy
Start using emotional regulation skills and feeling more in touch with your emotions.
Other Services at Revive Therapy
Getting therapy support is perfectly OK! You deserve a space to talk through life events that may be holding you back. Whether this is your first time in therapy or you’ve been here before, I am here to help you process, work through, and move toward your goals in a healthy and sustainable way. If you’re looking for other services at Revive Therapy in Pennsylvania, I offer other services. This includes PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, body image issues, binge eating, and more. I offer support with EMDR therapy if you’re in need of more specialized support. Additionally, all services are offered via online therapy in Pennsylvania. When you’re ready for support. Call now!