Healing Anxious Attachment and Trauma with EMDR and Somatic Experiencing
By: Hannah Guy, LCSW
Do you often find yourself feeling anxious or insecure in relationships, worrying about being abandoned or needing constant reassurance from your partner? These are common signs of anxious attachment, which often stems from unresolved trauma. Whether it’s from early childhood experiences or difficult relationships later in life, trauma can shape how we connect with others, leaving us stuck in painful patterns that seem impossible to break.
If you’ve struggled with anxious attachment, this blog will explore how trauma plays a role and offer practical steps you can take to start healing. We’ll also discuss how EMDR and Somatic Experiencing can be powerful tools to help you build more secure, fulfilling relationships.
What is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment is characterized by a deep fear of emotional distance and a strong need for closeness. People with this attachment style often find themselves caught in cycles of clinginess and anxiety about rejection. This pattern can leave you feeling like you’re constantly on edge, worried that the people you care about will leave or withdraw from you.
In many cases, anxious attachment develops in response to inconsistent caregiving in childhood or traumatic experiences in later relationships. If you’ve been in situations where love or attention was unpredictable or where you experienced betrayal or abandonment, it can leave a lasting mark on how you approach relationships.
How Trauma Affects Attachment
Trauma disrupts the nervous system, often leaving you in a heightened state of fear and vigilance. When this happens, your body is primed to expect danger, even in safe situations. In relationships, this can manifest as attachment anxiety—always feeling like something will go wrong or fearing that your partner will leave, even when there’s no evidence of that happening.
Over time, these patterns of fear and insecurity can damage relationships, reinforcing the anxious attachment cycle. But with the right approaches, healing is possible.
Practical Steps You Can Take to Heal Anxious Attachment in Center City and West Philadelphia
While therapy is an essential part of healing anxious attachment, there are also some practical steps you can take on your own to start breaking free from these patterns:
Practice Self-Soothing Anxiety in relationships often stems from nervous system dysregulation. Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help you soothe yourself when anxiety spikes. When you learn to self-regulate, it becomes easier to stay calm and present in relationships.
Develop a Stronger Sense of Self Healing anxious attachment starts with cultivating a strong relationship with yourself. Spend time on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment independent of your relationships—whether that’s journaling, creative hobbies, or pursuing personal goals. The more grounded you feel in your own identity, the less dependent you’ll be on reassurance from others.
Challenge Negative Thought Patterns Anxious attachment often feeds off negative thoughts like “They’re going to leave me” or “I’m not enough.” When these thoughts arise, pause and ask yourself if they’re based on reality or past fears. Reframing your thoughts in a more positive light can help you break free from automatic anxiety-driven reactions.
Communicate Mindfully Anxiety can make it difficult to express your needs in relationships. Practice asking for reassurance calmly and directly when you feel insecure. Learning to communicate your feelings without fear or defensiveness can reduce attachment anxiety and create a more open, trusting dynamic.
Build a Support System Surround yourself with people who provide a sense of safety and security. This might include close friends, family members, or a support group. Feeling supported by others outside of your romantic relationships can lessen your dependency on a partner for all your emotional needs.
While these steps can help reduce attachment anxiety, deeper healing often requires addressing the trauma that caused these patterns in the first place. This is where trauma-focused therapies like EMDR and Somatic Experiencing come into play.
Healing with EMDR and Somatic Experiencing in Pennsylvania
If you're ready to dig deeper, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing are two powerful approaches that directly address the trauma underlying anxious attachment.
EMDR helps reprocess traumatic memories, taking the emotional charge out of painful past experiences. Think of it as untangling the emotional knots that keep you stuck in insecure attachment patterns. By working through these past traumas, EMDR allows you to approach relationships with more security and trust.
Somatic Experiencing focuses on the body, helping you release stored tension and trauma that keeps you in a state of nervous system dysregulation. Trauma often lives in the body, and Somatic Experiencing helps you process it through physical sensations and movements. As your body learns to feel safe and grounded, you naturally develop a more secure attachment style.
How EMDR and Somatic Experiencing Help Build Secure Attachment in Philadelphia
Both EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are highly effective in shifting attachment patterns by:
Processing the underlying trauma that fuels attachment anxiety
Helping you regulate your nervous system, so you’re not constantly in a state of fear or hypervigilance
Building trust in yourself and your ability to form safe, secure connections with others
As you heal from trauma and calm your nervous system, you'll find it easier to build healthier, more secure relationships. You’ll feel more confident in yourself and less dependent on external validation.
Ready to Heal Anxious Attachment?
If you’re tired of feeling anxious and insecure in your relationships, know that healing is possible. At Revive Therapy Services in Philadelphia, we specialize in trauma-focused therapies like EMDR and Somatic Experiencing to help you break free from attachment anxiety and build stronger, more secure connections.
If you’re ready to take the next step, contact us today for a free consultation.
What will it look like to start working with us?
Schedule your complimentary intake call to make sure we are the right fit for you!
Our Intake Coordinator will help you decide which therapist is best for you.
Schedule your first session right then and there!
Together, we can create a path toward healing and the fulfilling relationships you deserve.